The Childhood Stories

Over the past month or so I had had a collection of stories published up on Life with my Little Duck starting off during my teenage years, moving into my 20's and then ending today. It was a really interesting trip through thoughts and memories so I thought I would provide a little recap here and link them all in one place for anyone who would like to take a little journey through a few decades and a few countries... Five years ago I started to write a book loosely based on my life/experiences, but I gave up because it was both too close to home and because I didn't think anyone would be interested. I am now putting together several collections of essays which I think will be easier for me to work on and actually finish. In any case, here are the links to all of the stories... Thanks to Ally for publishing all of these stories, as well as many other wonderful and heartbreaking ones. You can see all of the stories from her Childhood Series up on her blog here. 

The Invisibility Cloak - wrap yourself in it as soon as you leave the house...

Survival Modes - high school is a real minefield.

Run, Run Away - everything is just too much and there is no escape.

Young Heart, Old Soul - a different life in different places.

Never Let Go of the Rainbow - a decade in a city that never sleeps.

Everything will be alright
Everything will turn out fine
Some nights I still can't sleep
And the voices pass with time
The Sisters of Mercy - Time To Cry

Photography: Park Mornings

The mockingbird sits up on his perch every morning, right there on the electricity wires, picking up a new tune every few days, partially resigned to the routine of the days, partially trying something a little more daring. I love hearing his voice as I push the kids towards the park, a sense of common ground, a need to blend in and stand out, and a sense of recognition that routine is what keeps us all going right now. The days are either hot or even hotter, the sky is consistently blue, apart from the grey wisps of smoke that congregate on the horizon when a forest or brush fire starts closer to the city. Every morning we go to the park on the corner, walk around and around a few times to in guise of exercise and then find our special tree to sit under and enjoy the fresh morning breeze. It gets hotter as the day wanes here, so mornings are the nicest times, the time when you get everything done that you need to. The grass is usually damp from the very early morning sprinklers and the dragonflies and butterflies congregate in the air and the squirrels play in the trees, giggling at each other.

The park is part me-time, part breathing time, part place where the girls can roam semi-freely, as long as they stay where I can see them. Luna hands me flowers as Aurora takes her tentative steps in the grass; all of us roaming around barefoot, toes in the dirt and feet in the wet grass. Sometimes my mother comes along, other times my sister, sometimes Cesar when he isn’t at work, but usually it is just me and the kids and often a camera, catching little moments that always feel so important to me and to the girls. We pick up sticks and count leaves, talk about colours and sing songs. We meet the same people every day and smile and say hello, and that always makes me feel somewhat grounded. It’s such a beautiful, peaceful place where we make up stories and dream of flying with the butterflies and talking to the squirrels.

It is now mid-Autumn but summer will still be here for a while, months maybe, and we will continue to enjoy the cool breeze under the trees and the sound of nature in our ears, and I will take many, many more pictures to document all of those simple, but special moments. 

There is a full album of photos up on Flickr right here. All photographs taken using full manual mode on a Canon Rebel and a FujiFilm XE-1 with little or no editing. 

Ramblings: Aurora Vivienne's Ninth Month

For me, nine months always feels like a milestone of some sort, maybe because I carried both girls for nine plus months? In any case Aurora was nine months old this past weekend and she immediately appeared to be older, less of a baby, increasingly near that moment when we start to call our children “toddlers”. Only nine months ago she was this teeny tiny little being and now she is a big, happy child who moves around as fast as a dart and smiles more often than the Cheshire Cat. (I don’t know why he came up in the comparison but I’m just going to keep him there anyway!). Her next doctor appointment isn’t until next week, but I did weigh her myself this weekend and she clocks in at 22lbs now. So she’s not gaining as rapidly as before, but still gaining, which is totally normal seeing as she is (very) mobile nowadays.

Last month she was pulling herself up to a standing position, this month she started pulling herself around, cruising as they call it. She also seems to think that she can just stand up all by herself even though she’s not really steady on her feet without holding on to anything just yet. I really have to keep an eye out on where she is and what she is doing even when we are only a few feet away from each other because she seems to be intent on matching her sister in mobility as soon as possible. I won’t be surprised if she tries to walk well before her first birthday. We have always been a bit of a barefoot household (if I could live without shoes I would, although I am a little partial to my Docs), and Luna didn’t wear shoes until she started walking. But that was all during a NY winter, so she was usually bundled in her winter gear anyway when we were out. I want to find something for Aurora to wear that will be comfortable for her in the heat… A friend suggested little baby moccasins and I bought some from a seller on Amazon (which I’m not super excited about), but I would love some recommendations, especially any small stores if possible (while remaining affordable because I refuse to spend tons of money on baby wear). The majority of the clothes in our wardrobes come from thrift stores or are hand-me-downs, so I would also be more than happy to buy secondhand.

This month was also the first that Aurora called me “mama” while actually talking to be. Sometimes it’s a little hard to differentiate between the babbling and a real word, but this was definitely her calling me. Of course my heart melted over and over again. I can’t even begin to explain how hearing that word (even when Luna says it a million times a day) makes me feel: a mixture of pride, love, wonder and a little disbelief. Is that really me? Did I really create these amazing little humans?! I get that in the grand scheme of things being a mother is not anything hugely special, women become mothers every day all over the world, but becoming a mother has been very special for me, life changing even. I’ve never felt such as incredible pull towards life and love as I have since Luna’s birth. Nowadays I just find it easy to be ME.  So anyway, I could listen to them both calling me “mama” over and over again. I don’t mind if that turns into “mummy” and then “mum” over time, although I do have a special place in my heart for “mama”. It’s so universal, simple and beautiful.

I feel like I always mention how happy Aurora is, but it’s really an ongoing theme in her life: she just loves to smile! But her easygoing nature has made teething a lot harder to deal with than it was for Luna (in my opinion). Her teeth are giving her absolute hell! She has had four bottom teeth for well over a month now, and her four top teeth have been threatening to poke through for longer than that, and just haven’t yet. Her gums are so swollen, the poor little thing. I bet they are all going to come through at exactly the same time, as well as a few more on the bottom that I can see right below the surface of her gums. I give her Tylenol when it gets really bad, although I try to avoid too much, and have also started trying a teething necklace (we have a Baltic Wonder amber one), just to see if it helps. She usually gets irritated in the evenings, at bedtime, so I also think that part of the irritation has to do with the sudden heat wave that we are experiencing (in the high 90’s, low 100’s), and the fact that the hottest time of the day is usually 5 or 6pm here!  I’ve been drinking three plus liters of water a day as the girls are nursing around the clock. Poor thing, teething and heat are not great components for a good night’s sleep. (And guess what? I just finished typing that paragraph, went to nurse Aurora and saw that one of her top teeth must have broken through during the night, and the second is right behind it! Hallelujah!).

Writing about teeth automatically makes me think about food, and Aurora loves her food! She’s tried all types of things, has a preference for guacamole (who wouldn’t?!) and watermelon and has become quite adept with both pincer grasp and shoving food in by the fistful techniques. I gave her some cottage cheese and some yogurt a few weeks ago but she didn’t seem to tolerate those too well yet, so we will try again in a month or so. In the meantime she is having fun trying vegetables and fruit, rice and beans and a mix of everything altogether. As with Luna, I’m assuming Aurora will mostly be vegetarian, although I have no issues with them eating meat if they so choose. Cesar eats meat so they will have it around them, I just don’t cook it or even entertain the idea of eating it. I recently read an article that was telling women that it’s OK to nurse when you are vegetarian or vegan, and while I think the message was great, the tone of the piece basically assumed that these diets are “new” and that this information is new. I’ve been vegetarian for over 20 years now, had two healthy, full-term pregnancies and have been nursing kids for over two years now and never had an issue (on the contrary I’m healthier and stronger than I have ever been). Of course it’s perfectly healthy to nurse if you don’t eat meat, fish or even eggs and dairy! The same rules apply for all diets: eat enough and eat well, drink a ton of water and try to get enough rest. Nobody NEEDS meat in their diet, it’s just a personal preference. Anyway, before I go off on a tangent, the kids can choose how or what they eat, but I don’t cook meat or fish. And Aurora has been trying everything that I make and seems to enjoy everything! Maybe I will write an article on the subject at some point…

I’ve been taking a lot of photos with my Canon, going with my plan of only using the fully manual settings, and have been getting some lovely shots of the kids. Aurora’s nine month photo album is HERE, but in the coming weeks I shall be posting a separate album with recent portraits. I love capturing the girls playing together, those precious moments when they aren’t fighting or pushing each other, and actually really interacting. I love catching glimpses of what their relationship may develop into, slowly, over time.

In three short months Aurora will be a year old and we will have two toddlers. It’s incredible if you think about it… Three years ago I was bartending and managing a restaurant in NYC, now I am the mother of two in California. Life makes sharp turns and slow curves, and the ones I have taken in mine couldn’t have turned me into a happier being. And on that note, so long until next month when Aurora moves up into double digit months… <3

Oh, and I forgot to mention… Aurora now “dances”!! She sways back and forth with a huge smile on her face and it’s absolutely the cutest thing ever!

Ramblings: Memories of Poland

There was Poland before the wall came down and Poland after the wall came down. And the only difference in time was a year. The first time was in the late spring of 1989, the second the summer of 1990. I was 11 and 12 those years and always very perceptive to what was going on around me, even if I didn’t speak the Polish language, or really even the language of adults.

My stepfather was born in a Polish refugee camp in England in the early 50’s. His parents were born in a part of Poland that doesn’t exist as Poland today, but in the beginning of the 20th century it did. When Stalin and Hitler signed their pact the land became Soviet, and all Poles were “displaced” to Siberia in cattle trains. On their release they had nowhere to go as their homes belonged to others, and trying to get them back would have most likely meant death. So they went wherever they could… Some stayed in the USSR, others joined the Polish Army that had been recreated outside of occupied Poland, some found themselves back in Poland, some ended up in refugee camps as far as Africa. England, in need of enormous rebuilding and restoration aid after 1945 welcomed the refugees with open arms. My stepfather spoke only Polish until he started school and realised that he actually resided in England! He had many stories to tell about his childhood and his family who were in England, Poland and the US amongst other countries. While we did do a little sightseeing during our two trips to Poland, they were mostly journeys to visit family that my stepfather, and his nearest family, had not seen in years, even decades. *

<div style="padding-bottom:68.30000305175781%;" class="image-block-wrapper has-aspect-ratio" data-description="<p>The whole family in front of the van that picked us up from Pozna