So much outdated information still out there...

This is my third pregnancy and my second pregnancy while still breastfeeding. I’ve been breastfeeding for nearly three years, and obviously will be going on for another few after this one is born. Basically, I know what I’m doing and I also know my limits. If I start feeling too tired, overwhelmed or uncomfortable, I will start the weaning process. If not we will just continue onwards as we have been. I don’t imagine nursing three children at once, but I also don’t imagine my first born all of a sudden deciding to wean. As I always say, we will see. I don’t really care what others think either, what works for us, works for us. What works for you, works for you. What bothers me is when people decide to tell me something that is first of all incorrect, and second of all, just silly.

Apparently it is the California process to make sure you see a counselor at least once during your prenatal journey, so I saw the one assigned to me by the clinic this morning. She was lovely, very friendly and engaging, and made me feel completely at ease. Until she asked me about my diet and hydration and I mentioned that it was hard to drink enough water when all I wanted to do was vomit it back up, and that I really forced myself to down 3 liters a day as I was still breastfeeding two kids.

She said: “you do know that after 6 months there are no more benefits in breastmilk for the child, right? It’s only for comfort after that.” I just responded that my doctor and nurse were both perfectly comfortable with me tandem nursing while pregnant, and while she did say that I should at least wean one, she backed down and said “but in the end you know best as the mother.” My eyes must have begun to flash daggers! I no longer feel like an inexperienced mother when faced with these types of situations, but I know that when I was I would feel upset and confused. So let’s get some facts straight here.

1). The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) does not recommend the introduction of solids until 6 months, see here for more information, and advocate breastmilk and/or formula to be the main source of nutrition for the first year of life.

2). Solids are introduced little by little over the space of 6 months, so by the time the child reaches the age of 1 he or she will be enjoying 3 meals a day as well as snacks – although this is by no means always achievable. Some babies take longer than others. It is still important to remember that breastmilk and/or formula are recommended as main source of nutrition until at least one year of age (see above).The AAP do not recommend the introduction of cow’s milk until after one.

3). Breastfeeding AFTER one year of age provides a whole slew of benefits, listed in detail HERE. These benefits are in addition to any nutritional benefits come from eating solid food. The World Health Organization (WHO) recommend breastfeeding until at least two years old (and beyond).

Breastfeeding benefits do not magically disappear once a child starts his or her first spoonful of pureed avocado or smashed banana. Breastmilk DOES magically change its breakdown based on the age and needs of a child, even on a day-to-day basis. It just drives me quite insane that even in today’s world people who have a certain influence on what a pregnant woman may or may not do can spout nonsense. Whether you are planning on breastfeeding or not, it’s so important to be able to find out proper information from those who are supposed to be professionals. And professionals who talk to you about breastfeeding/formula feeding, introducing solids and weaning should always be aware of the latest recommendations. Granted, these do change quite often, but it’s really not too difficult to read the updated AAP website or medical papers once in a while. We now know that introducing solids before 6 months can cause issues down the road, and that rice cereal really isn’t the best first food. So even if our mothers or grandmothers or great-grandmothers may say that they did it their way and no one died, I still believe in science and research. (For example, I always put my babies to sleep on their backs even though my mother put us to sleep on our tummies. Research has proven that this is the safest way for babies to sleep). So yes, all I want to say is while Dr Google is not always the best place to go for questions, it is always good to do some research and ask different people about breastfeeding rather than listening to someone who has outdated and incorrect advice to give. Breastfeeding can be really difficult for some at first, and lack of support and/or correct information can lead to women giving up before they are really ready to.

(As a side note I have to say that I chose the prenatal clinic I go to because of how they promote breastfeeding and non-intervention birthing. Both my doctor and my nurse practitioner are 100% behind me and don’t have any issues with me breastfeeding while pregnant. I think this counselor just had very outdated views and I probably should have mentioned that to her while I was there. I’m just not as outspoken as I would want to be at times, which often leads to ranty blog posts!).

I love this information page on breastfeeding by UNICEF – it brings up a lot of important points and really provides a great overview. Kellymom is my go to website for any questions – although I haven’t found much about tandem nursing while pregnant, so if there is anyone out there reading this who has done it please get in touch!

Finding a little Hope amidst the Darkness

Right now it doesn’t matter who or what you believe, it doesn’t matter where you live or who you are, all that matters is that people who were just trying to live their lives as best they could, men, women and children, have been caught in a war that has decimated their homes, ruined their lives and killed their neighbours and soon them, while we have all just watched on. We can make up all the excuses we want, “not our war”, “they are all terrorists”, “why should we always have to reach out to others”, but none of those excuses erase the fact that we are just sitting here in the comfort of our homes watching the people die. We watched it happen in Srebrenica, in Rwanda, in Sudan, and in the DRC, always sending too little too late. All eyes were on Egypt and Libya in 2011, but who remembers what happened in Bahrain? Who is watching what is going on in Yemen as I type this? As fellow humans we need to stop thinking in terms of “us” and “them”, stop making excuses about why it isn’t our problem, and do what little we can to help stop unnecessary suffering that happens all over the world. And at the same time, we should also be counting our blessings, thankful that we are warm, safe and fed, because these type of things can change overnight, with the blink of an eye. I’ve been sitting on this blog post for a while now, but I need to post it, as the woman that I interviewed a few months ago continues to provide me with hope that there are more of us out there who want to make a change than we think. If you want to help, I have provided links to trustworthy charities below. If you are only interested in telling me that I am wrong, or trying to convince me that I am wasting my time, don’t waste yours. You can pick and choose what media sources you want to believe but no one is denying that people are dying. This blog post and interview are about the current crisis in Syria and how to help, but you can easily apply anything we say in it to any other cause that may apply to you.

I can’t say that this year has been any worse than other years, news-wise, but between this farce of an election over here in the US, the continuous stream of stories coming in from all over the place of people fleeing for their lives, only to end up being pawns in a political mess, stranded in camps with no place to go, and the inevitable deaths of so many animal species in our near future, I feel helpless. Where does one start? We don’t eat meat or fish anyway, but I am halving our consumption of dairy. I can’t vote in the country I reside in but I will write about immigration as it really is, not how it is portrayed by electoral candidates or right wingers who have no idea what they are talking about. We don’t have much money, but $25 here and there towards a good cause won’t stop us from eating, and can surely help someone receive medical care and food that they really need.

I still have a love/dislike relationship with social media, love because it’s the easiest way for me to keep in touch with my friends and family all over the world, and because I’ve met some wonderful, like-minded people via platforms such as Instagram. Dislike because I sometimes feel tied to it, and resentful that it’s becoming kind of a status symbol to have X amount of followers, and that some writing gigs actually demand that you have a certain online “presence” before they hire you. But that is all irrelevant really for today’s blog post. I bring up social media because it allowed me to “meet” a most wonderful lady who constantly does her best to make a change in this world (with a witty repartee that always brightens my day). This fabulous human being made it her mission this summer to collect medical supplies and donations in order to fill a container to ship to Syrian refugees. She threw it out there on Instagram and got a great response. I personally loved the idea that I knew exactly where the money I donated was going, and that it was all going towards providing a little relief to those who desperately need it. Sometimes it’s difficult to trust certain charities (Haiti post-earthquake comes to mind), because you have no idea if your money is actually helping those who need it rather than lining someone’s already velveted pockets (HERE is a great place to go to if you have doubts). Anyway! Enough rambling, because this lovely lady (who prefers to remain anonymous apart from her IG handle, @whattheschujj), answered some of my questions, and I hope that you find her as inspiring as I do.

How did the idea of getting a crate full of medical necessities come about? How were you able to actually get approvals for this to happen?

The idea came from the charity itself. Most collect clothing, dried food and medics aid as a lot of the work done at refugee camps (Turkey, Greece etc) is done voluntarily. Registered charities raise money for containers and once they are full, the aid is shipped. Syria is literally running out of everything but the demand for food and medical aid is so high, therefore the charities I work with asked to put a hold on clothing donations.

I found it amazing how you actually gathered together both the donations and the supplies and made it all work. It must have been a logistical puzzle, especially as you have a family and a job! How on earth did you do it?!

Oh my goodness I've no idea! I work part time- I scour the Internet on the best bulk buys in the evening after putting the children to bed. I prefer to do things physically if I can. When I can it is all done either on my days off (with baby number 3 in tow) or after they have gone to bed!

There are many causes that are very dear to me, some more than others. What made you decide to do all of this work towards this cause over others?

I have worked regularly supporting a charity whose aid goes to refugee camps in Turkey; refugees from all over the world live in these camps. Although it has been covered in the news, one particular news article just stopped me in my tracks; the attack on one of the only 'working'  hospitals. Once I'd done crying I decided I need to try. To try and do something and the digging around then started.

I find that I want to help in so many ways that I get pulled in too many directions and end up trying to do too much at once. It results in me often feeling at a loss on how to REALLY help. How do you get around this feeling of helplessness in order to actually accomplish something?

Charity is pivotal to my faith. I believe strongly in 'lending a hand' wherever I can. I can also feel helpless at times however I do not let it consume me because the feeling of 'must do this' is much stronger. I simply research the issue. I find out as much as I can about the 'need'. I am fortunate enough to come from a community whereby 'someone knows someone' ; a well connected one so this helps when I'm doing the digging.

Would you say that social media helped bring people together to raise funds and awareness for this cause in particular? Do you find Instagram to be a good platform to bring people's attention to specific crises in the world?

I have never used Instagram before- ever! This was the first time and I was completely overwhelmed with the response. I have used Facebook before but generally I send out messages to people who I think could help/ be interested. I feel Instagram is a beautifully wonderful supportive community and I hadn't thought about my actions as bringing attention to a specific crisis to be fair. I do think Instagram is used as a 'happy place' however, I'm not trying to infringe on anyone's happiness as such. I think it is full of likeminded folk who don't consciously avoid global issues; they sometimes just don't know where to start or what to say.

I've been talking about the war in Syria since it started and how horrific the whole situation is and I am often met with a wall of silence or the usual "oh well you know they are always killing each other over there, let's change the subject to something a little more appetizing". How would you advise others to help raise awareness in places where people don't really care, or can't be bothered to care?

I think it's difficult to tackle people who don't really care/ can't be bothered to care. I have never insisted life should stop for the ones on the 'other side' however I will say this; embrace your blessings. In my mind it is simple; we have a moral obligation to help our fellow man. As I mentioned earlier, some are a little afraid to speak out on the issue but some genuinely do not know what to say. I believe in doing. If you don't know, go find out. It is easy to be detached from the whole thing as we stare through the television screen but it affects us all. I cannot force the hand of anyone however we should all ask ourselves one question "when the present becomes our history how will it dictate our futures and what could we have done about it?"

What do refugee camps and the people of Syria really need right now? How can we continue to provide help to these people in dire need of it? How can we make sure what we send is actually going to the right people?

This can change according to where the camp is/ how well equipped camps are/ how supportive governments are. The best thing to do is to research a reputable charity who supports refugees; support can be in various capacities. Ask as many questions as you can. I always try to donate to charities with a 100 per cent donation policy as I hate charities who build an empire of fat cats!! Ask around; has anyone you know volunteered? Research blogs of people who have/ are volunteering (many specifically in Lesvos) and ask them for guidance. Many people have Facebook pages to document the donations journey and can regularly update to confirm the goods get where they at supposed to.

What are your next steps in this entire endeavour? I feel that while this part might have been accomplished there is a lot more that you want to do!

It's difficult to constantly ask people for money; this is can sometimes breed a culture of apathy and detachment so I'll try to volunteer my time locally for now. I would love to give up my life to volunteer globally on a regular basis but that's not going to happen any time soon!

We have all been watching the news this week, watching the final days of Aleppo, the terrible plight of the people still stuck in a city of ruins, expecting each hour to be their last. I made the mistake of reading several comment sections on different news sites and the ability for people to gaslight themselves is ridiculous. The amount of excuses I have been hearing on why we shouldn’t help people is crazy… Even without knowing or understanding the ins and outs of a situation we should at least put humanity at the forefront of our minds and try to help those who have no say in what is going on around them. It doesn’t matter what part of the political spectrum you place yourself on, if you are safe, warm and fed, you are 100, no a million, times better off than a person who is about to be hit by a barrel bomb or a sniper bullet (whether it comes from a government army or a rebel army).

Here are some links to different charities that you can donate to and/or volunteer with:

Syrian Crisis Charity Navigator

Other charities

You can also reach out to your local refugee center and see how and where you can help. Even a few hours a week or month getting to know a family and helping them to navigate their new home can be super helpful.

Medical supplies and bare necessities for people who have lost everthing.

Is 5 the Final Number then?!

I have to laugh at it all sometimes when I think about it. In early 2013 I had decided that having children was not on the cards anymore, and here I am in late 2016, with two beautiful toddlers and another little one on the way. If you had given me a view into the future back then when I was standing behind the bar indulging in a shot or 10 of Powers and chatting with my regulars I would have probably laughed in your face before pouring you a Guinness.

While I may not have a huge extended family, I come from two lines of families where the women tend to have many children. And I think I say that I don’t have a huge extended family just because we are so dispersed, having lived in different countries for many years – in reality there are quite a few of us around. I remember many a Christmas as a child in England, and then in The Netherlands and France, where we would fly home to be with our extended family. But once you become an adult you tend to start revisiting those childhood traditions in your own home, nostalgic for the past, hopeful for the future. I’ve spent a lot of Christmases alone in NYC, celebrating with close friends, missing my family. And then Christmases with my own growing family, teaching my partner and kids about my childhood traditions. I’ve written about these times on several occasions, here and here, so I won’t rehash them today, but I suppose the main theme of Christmas will always remain family for me. My mother had three kids, and all of us will be together this Christmas for the first time in years. My mother’s mother had five children, all girls, and her mother had 10 (!) children. My father’s mother also had five children, two boys and three girls, and her mother had 4 kids (all girls too!). And if you go through my family tree, (that my mother has been painstakingly researching for the past few years - more on that in the very near future), you will find that it was very common to see a multitude of sisters and brothers in each family. So I suppose I really had to do my part to continue on this family tradition!

It’s funny how things change very rapidly. After a bit of a long pregnancy with Aurora but the exact birth I was hoping for, which helped ease away some of what Luna’s more painful birth and recovery had left, I said that I was done. And then slowly but surely, once the weight started to come off and when raising two children didn’t seem as difficult as I had expected it to be, we started slowly talking about another one. Not so close as the first two, because two under two with a very high needs child is no walk in the park, and not until one had weaned. Let’s not even try until 2017 we said. As with anything in my life real planning always seems to take a backburner because events just seem to happen naturally, as if I’m not allowed to feel too comfortable for too long. I’m still nursing both toddlers very frequently and have no willpower to wean anyone, and, well, it’s still 2016… But a few days before the presidential election I realised that this carsickness feeling that had started a few days before seemed a little too familiar, especially seeing as I actually hadn’t been in a car… That week was a little bittersweet, because we were meant to be bathing in happiness, but at the same time the elections brought on a wave of disbelief, despair and sadness that I have had a hard time brushing away. It took me a while to feel “normal” again, and to be honest I don’t feel “normal” (have I ever?!), but I do feel very happy, and am completely and madly in love with this little munchkin that is growing in my tummy, just like I was with the other two.

This little one is due on July 3rd, so when he or she comes Luna will be three years and a few months old and Aurora will be just under two. Luna is already excited about “the tiny baby in mummy’s tummy”, although how much of that she actually really understands is yet to be known. It will be fun to see her actually be able to express her thoughts about my growing belly this time around, as she was so young when I was pregnant with Aurora. It will be fun to see how Aurora reacts too… Once I get past this insane 24/7 nausea that has been plaguing me since I was 5 weeks pregnant, and will hopefully start easing up now, I will be able to focus more on the future. In the meantime it’s basically been on a day to day basis, make sure the kids eat, get fresh air and are somewhat entertained, get through my work before bedtime, so that I can collapse in bed with the kids and hope that sleep will bring some relief. I definitely had all day nausea with Luna, and had it a lot worse with Aurora, but this has been even worse still. Not that it has stopped me from eating. Just from eating most things apart from bread, Brie, lettuce and pasta. Everything also tastes super salty, which has never happened to me before and has basically put me off most food. Except Brie. Nothing will ever put me off Brie.

And so there we are, 6 more months, give or take a few weeks, and we will have another one in our midst. Girl or boy, it doesn’t really matter (of course a boy would be great, just to mix things up a little, but we do have an absolutely beautiful girl’s name lined up too, and it would be such a pity not to use it…). The adventure continues and I couldn’t be happier to be honest. One day at a time, hoping that the weeks don’t fly by too fast and that we will have another happy, healthy baby.

Down by the ocean...

With the nights drawing in and the temperature dropping (and yes, even Northern California gets colder, although nothing like the freezing NYC winters we are used to), I thought it was time to think back to late last September and to our road trip down to the ocean. Oceans and seas are my favourite places to be, sitting on a sandy beach watching the waves crashing in the distance, thinking about the past, present and future, making up stories in my end and putting other ones to rest. My best friend picked us all up in a car and we made our way down to Monterey and then Big Sur, stopping in Pacific Grove for the night. Luna took to the ocean like her parents, but Aurora needed a little more convincing, finally accepting that sand wasn't an evil force on our last stop before going home, where we found ourselves on a practically empty local beach to watch the sun set. It was the perfect family getaway and I can't wait to do it again in the near future. 

(As a sidenote we also witnessed the rapid devastation that a wildfire can bring from across the bay. You may notice a huge spreading cloud on some of the Monterey pictures - this was caused by a massive fire in the Santa Cruz mountains. At night we could see the flames in the distance.). Full album is HERE.

High Needs Child Series: Trust Your Instincts, Trust Your Child

This week's beautiful words come from a good friend of mine, Ryvenna. Ryvenna was due a few months before me with her daughter in 2014, and through-out our pregnancies and way into motherhood her texts and messages would help me feel a little less alone during sleepless nights and endless days. She is one of the most patient, generous and authentic people that I know and it really makes me happy to publish her story. 

When I wake up in the morning, it’s often because my nipples are aching. With my two and a half year old still nursing and often switching from side to side every few minutes in the hour before she wakes, I rarely wake because I’ve slept enough. Eventually, her eyes will open but she’ll keep nursing as I pet her fair hair, curls slightly damp from a sweaty night’s sleep. My bladder will finally announce that it’s time to get up, and I tell her I need to use the bathroom, waiting for the first words she tells me most mornings, a predictable, “Up, up!” Resisting is futile, because frankly, I can’t be bothered to deal with a meltdown ten minutes after I’ve opened my eyes, and before I’m really fully awake myself. So my 99th percentile toddler gets scooped up in my arms, and we head off to the bathroom together. I pee holding her, and most mornings she grudgingly, laughingly accepts that I will not let her nurse while I pee. 

On the weekends, my husband will manage to occasionally bribe her with some fruit snacks and a cartoon to let me sleep for an additional half an hour. I know that half an hour later, I’ll wake to her frustrated cries as he tries to convince her to let me keep sleeping, so I rarely manage to get back to bed. I’ve been tired since I was in my second trimester. At coming up on three years old, my daughter has never “slept through the night”. She’s usually asleep by nine pm, and will wake between midnight at two to nurse, again sometime before she’s in the “waking” phase, and then will drift between breasts for her last hour, usually waking fully before seven. 

I don’t love the term “high needs”. I think of myself as a gentle parent who adapts to my daughter’s needs. A sensitive mama. But when I see mothers who are able to carry quiet infants around in a carseat, letting them calmly look around while they enjoy a long lunch in a restaurant, I don’t identify with their experience. My daughter nursed around the clock, needed to be worn in a Moby wrap, and would not sleep on her own. I remember obsessively reading “Back to Sleep” literature about babies needing to sleep on their own, solid surfaces on their backs. My daughter slept on my chest or my husband’s for the first four months. I remember about two hours in three chunk where I managed to get her resting in the Arm’s Reach cosleeper I’d purchased for her while I was pregnant. I texted my sister, I danced in my living room, and then realized that it wasn’t going to work. I could get two hours of sleep with her on top of me, or half an hour (after two solid hours of failed attempts) with her in the cosleeper. So we moved our mattress to the floor with our side up against the wall, removed my pillows and sheet and blanket, and I made do with socks and sweatpants in bed for the first year. After that, I reintroduced a blanket around my waist and a light pillow. When she turned two I let a fluffier pillow back into my life, and let myself wrap a blanket around her waist as well. She sleeps most of the night with her head on my arm, and I leave the room, I still keep the baby monitor on because I know she’ll wake shortly without me there.

My daughter is distracted by my grandmother, my sister, or my husband from time to time, but her unwavering focus directs like a laser beam onto me for the vast majority of the time. When she senses that I’m trying to let Dada run the show for a minute, she immediately rejects him, pushing him off the couch and telling him that he can’t play with us. You can practically hear the sound of my husband’s heart breaking every time. He took lower-paying jobs for the first two years of her life so that he could work from home to be near her. His lunch breaks were spent on snuggling her down for naps as she kicked and screamed, fighting sleep. If I’m not around, they’re the best of friends.
In the last month, I’ve been able to plop her in front of the TV in the morning for long enough to take a shower. Not long enough to also throw some makeup on my face, but it’s enough for now. Two months ago, each shower was a tear-filled event with her begging me to pick her up, to nurse her, to watch a show with her, to play with her, to do anything other than leave her side for the fifteen minutes it takes to lather my hair and shave my legs in steamy water. I resorted more than once to reapplying deodorant, running dry shampoo through my hair, and spraying on a layer of body oil so that I could dry shave. I could probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve been able to poop in privacy in her lifetime. 

I’ve gotten a lot of judgement over this. If you don’t set boundaries now, she’ll walk all over you for the rest of your life. You’re spoiling her by indulging her like this. She has to know who’s in charge. But I know my daughter. I know that pushing her toward something when she’s not ready doesn’t work. She has an innate sense of what she needs, and she knows how to ask for it. And I know how to give it to her 95 times out of a 100. I do try to explain is that adapting to a high-needs child is not the same as giving in to every demand. It’s about knowing when to pick your battles. Her emotional needs are very real, and they are not wants. They are needs. She is still nursed, we cosleep, I carry her often. Because without these physical connections, her emotional needs are not being met. 

Her emotional landscape paints her perspective of the world. Many of her conversations revolve around the way she feels, and they are often the first things she wants to discuss in a recollection of her day. “I cried this morning because I was sad when you wanted me to put my shoes on the other feet” is not an unusual thing to hear from her. Neither is “I think about you all day when you’re gone, Mama”. She is able to understand emotional nuance that I find startling in a two year old. She offers to care for those around her when they say they’re sick or in pain. She initiates telling people that she loves them and enjoys their company.
Indulging a need for physical connection does not lead to a spoiled child. At two and a half, my daughter is articulate and polite, caring, and concerned. That said, she’s still a toddler. Occasionally, I’ll still get her coming up to me, grabbing at my shirt, and an obnoxious, “Nurse!” Most of the time, pointing out that isn’t the most polite way to ask will elicit another, nicer ask. When it doesn’t, I ask her where her beautiful manners went, and we explore the inside of her mouth, giggling, until I miraculously discover them, reposition them so that she can once again access them, and she happily uses the manners we both know she possesses. She helps set the table, has running jokes with the adults around her, tells me she loves “family dinner”, and feeds the cats.

What I will tell you, if you’re reading this while holding your high-needs baby, is good luck. Not sarcastically, but lovingly. Good luck, because I needed it. High needs babies do not suddenly become easygoing toddlers. I have shown up to events two hours late, and bailed at the last minute, and avoided making plans entirely with parents who have a different parenting experience than I do. Those folks who can just throw their kid in the car and show up to pretty much anything on time? We don’t have a ton in common. That said, on nights when I need to stay late at work for a Board meeting, she goes down okay with my husband. We’re finally starting to get in date nights, since we recently moved closer to my sister who is the Toddler Whisperer and can also get her down. When we need her to adapt, she often surprises us with how easily she can do so. 
I doubted myself a lot. It’s hard to ignore people telling you to let them cry it out, make them walk, force them to potty-train, or wean them before either one of you is ready. But I learned quickly that I could trust my child. She’s not making it up when she says she needs me, and she wasn’t “manipulating” me when she couldn’t sleep without being held as an infant. When I tried something that didn’t work for her, I learned that adapting to something that did (with a good amount of trial and error) was always the best solution. I didn’t have a lot of friends to reach out to commiserate with on tough days when I was trying to enforce a useless sleep schedule and it (literally) took me three hours to get my then one year old to sleep at night. But we got there. It got easier in stages as she became more verbal. It got easier once we realized that giving her space to deal with her emotions while remaining calm helped. We work, together, on taking deep breaths when she’s  upset, and on asking her if she wants to talk, or needs a hug. 

I don’t think I need to tell you that I love my daughter. That she’s the center of my universe. That she and I are pals in a way that I didn’t realize you could be with a toddler. But just in case you needed to know, I wouldn’t change a thing about her. There will come a time when I will not nurse her to sleep, when she will not want me to carry her, when I don’t wake up with the scent of her warm, toddler body filling my nose. And if she always wants to cuddle up to read a book or watch a movie together? I’m down with that. 

And kiddo, if someday you read this on whatever version of the Internet exists when you’re old enough to care about parenting advice… I love you “to the moon and to the back”. You weren’t an easy little one to parent, but you were totally awesome.