Motherhood So White - Nefertiti Austin

I read quite a few parenting books when I was pregnant with my first child back in 2013, but quickly found that most of them followed a strict pattern, centering the middle class white American woman. I ended up resorting to searching for more relatable (to me) motherhood blogs, and also writing my own stories, because I couldn’t see myself in a lot of the content I was reading, and/or it made me feel as if I were failing motherhood in some way. I can’t even imagine how much harder it must have been for Nefertiti Austin when she started her motherhood journey a few years before I started mine. I can however imagine the constant frustration she must have felt in trying to find information that would be helpful to her own situation and coming up blank, even though you know full well that motherhood experiences exist in all shapes and forms.

I’m so happy that Nefertiti Austin wrote her own story, for herself, and for all of us. First of all because motherhood is a unique path that has many intersections, and too many of them are erased (especially stories of Black motherhood). Secondly because we rarely read about Black women and adoption in the US (or elsewhere for that matter), and it is important for everyone to be able to find information that they identify with, but it is also important to be able to read information that helps us all to be better humans (and parents) in general. How can I learn to be a better parent if I only read stories that I relate to? In order to grow, and to help our children grow, we must be willing to learn about all types of experiences.

Motherhood So White is beautifully written, and balances Nefertiti’s personal experiences growing up, and her journey as a single black woman through the Californian foster care system in order to adopt a little boy, with the stark realities of what it is like to navigate systems that are dominated by white supremacy. I love how honest she is about her journey into motherhood, how she juggles so many hats, and how she uses her own experience as a way to help others on their own journeys. I learnt so much from this book, especially about the importance of creating your own village, both for parent and child, and hope that it makes it onto all of the top 10 lists this year. These are the parenting stories that should be highlighted, the ones that we shouldn’t have to search for, the ones that are so much more true to life and reality than the ones that are too readily available.

Thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for the advance copy, and thanks to Nefertiti Austin for her beautiful, and necessary, memoir.